Dear Family and Friends,
It finally happened, a whole day with the temperature above 70F. Mom happily set up camp out there on the beach, with her book and broken chair, and I spent the day studying all those good deals on e-bay. Today everything’s back to normal, it’s raining and we’re freezing our asses off.
The place we’ve rented is an older duplex, (probably should have known that, it being half the price of everything else), that needs a major investment in almost everything. For instance, the living room furniture would be a no-bid at the Fireman’s Fair. My grade-school desk was more comfortable (and had fewer scratch marks). The hot water heater is a three gallon job (Navy showers mandatory). The beds have a built-in Ibuprofen dispenser.
The first floor has been surrendered to the palmetto bugs (the last one we killed by trapping it under the plunger and then pumping the thing up and down until the goo came out). The stairs have been constructed from what looks like highly polished bamboo. They're so slippery we have to negotiate them in the sitting position. The audio from the TV/DVD player is in a foreign tongue (as far as I’m concerned) unless the volume is at max. As an aside, Mom can somehow understand what’s being said at about half the volume that I need. Regrettably, her position on my hearing aid testing is gaining ground.
There’s a decoration, of sorts, hanging from the ceiling over the stairs. It’s a forked branch with some sort of stuffed parrot perched on the lowest limb. Somehow the parrot keeps shitting on the stairs. A soiled spot keeps reappearing directly below him. It’s very puzzling. Yesterday I caught myself looking up his fanny.
The lock mechanism for the sliding doors is history. The only way to secure them is via the supplied broom stick. This is a bit unnerving, particularly in view of our rowdy neighbors.
The nearest store is a two day trip (both ways). The grocery store has two isles, one for the edibles and the other for chewing tobacco. We asked the attendent where to find the grapes. She whispered, “They are much too expensive”, (discussion ended).
We’ll be on the move in two more weeks. The plan is to stop in Louisiana and visit D and K for a day or two. That should be a blast! It’ll be after Easter so we’ll be able to drink again. We also want to undergo hypnotic regression therapy (to create a mental block of our recent house rental escapade).
Can’t wait to get back to Prudence.
Dad
P.S. Hope you all enjoyed Dad’s slight embellishment of our time away from Good Old New England! Actually I just checked the weather forecast and it’s much warmer up there than here today! And one more thing.... the restaurants are just as far away as the grocery stores. So, as Lisa pointed out, the only thing we are missing here is the ferry!
Only kidding, we are really enjoying our vacation. The beaches are beautiful, the scenery is great and the people are wonderful!
Mom
